So we went to the cabin again this weekend. We just needed it. My parents and our cousins went with us.. It was awesome..
It has been hard. Today is exactly a month since I went into the hospital and got the saddest news of my ENTIRE life. It seems like it was just yesterday. It has made today super hard. I can't help but think I should be THAT much closer to seeing my baby. I mean in a way I am that much closer, because I will eventually see it in heaven.. but I should have been 1 month closer to having him or her in my arms. I miss it. I miss the feeling of just knowing I was providing a safe haven for a perfect little being. It's so hard. Noone understands except the people who have gone through something like this, and forever I will be grateful to everyone who has helped me through everything.
So I had a follow up appointment on Friday. Dr. Parker is an amazing doctor. He is just so great not only as a Doctor but just as a human being too. He definately knows how to comfort people in these times of need. So I went in for another internal U/S. As of today it has officially been 4 weeks since I had the shots of methotrexate, so on Friday just a couple days short of 4 weeks... Anyways, the mass in my fallopian tube, which was my baby, has increased in size. I also now have a mass in my uterus which he thinks is just blood. CRAZY. He seemed kind of dumbfounded by it. My HCG levels are now in the 300's, so he says that they are decreasing perfectly and there is no reason to be concerned. He actually doesn't want to see me for an U/S until August 28th.. Kind of scares me since the mass grew, but I know he is an awesome doctor so I should just trust his opinion. In the meantime, he said if I have any excruciating pain at all I need to go to the hospital... STAT... He also said that we should wait 3-6 months to try again.. which made me sad because I was thinking we already had a month behind us.. Who knows.. Matt and I have decided that we are going to be careful but come August no matter what it is baby making time :)
Well I am going to cut this short...I have tons more to talk about but I am just kind of sad so I will update later! xoxox
"God won't make a mountain I can't climb..."- Not sure who wrote this, but I like it :)
The mass in my tube also grew a few weeks after the methotrexate shot. The U/S tech and the Doc both said as long as the hcg levels are going down then everything is moving in the right direction. The tech said that a lot of times the mass is like a bruise and it swells before healing, so it appears larger even though it's not actually growing anymore. I know it's a really, really rough thing to go through. I remember feeling like it was never going to end and I just wanted it to be over so we could start the 3 month wait before TTC again. I didn't want to talk about trying to shrink my "mass" anymore. I wanted to move on. I'm sorry your body isn't letting you. It's such a long process. But here I am 4 months later, pregnant again. Things WILL get better.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my doc didn't actually make me wait those 3 months. And I think you really should have more U/S's before August. Message me on WTE if you want to talk about it more.
ReplyDeleteHi Lindsey! Sorry I've been MIA a bit lately...it's been a crazy busy last few weeks...I'll have to tell you all about it or blog about it later! I'm so sorry that things aren't going so smoothly for you! Hang in there and I'm sure it will all turn out fine! Hopefully when you go back in they'll tell you everything is totally fine and you're good to go! Let's chat very soon now that I'm back in town!!!! I'm thinking of and praying for you that everything heals perfectly!! Xoxo!
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